It’s Saturday night, you’re on your own watching all of your friends stories on social media. Some are cuddling up with their other halves and the rest are just having a good time in general.
You are doing neither.
In bed by 8pm on a Saturday because you had no plans, no one even asked you to join them. So what else is there to do except sleep away the miserable feeling you are currently experiencing right?
OR you could jump on to one of the many dating platforms that are available in today’s tech savvy (reliant?) world. You could start talking to cute singles, maybe meet the love of your life or at least someone to give you attention for the next couple of months. I mean it’s a great idea, what could possibly go wrong?
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrl (or booooooooooooooy), don’t do it.
On the list of things that seem like a good idea but definitely aren’t, chatting to random boys in the hope of finding love sits at number 2. Right behind contacting your ex and just before posting about it on social media.
Trust me, I have made all of these mistakes before. Even though they may have given me a few days or even a few weeks worth of company they usually end up making me feel even more crap about everything.
So what’s a girl to do if she isn’t allowed to message boys and post about it?
Learn to love yourself
Well first of all, life doesn’t revolve around boys. If you are single learn to embrace it and if you are looking for love start looking in better places because Tinder doesn’t exactly boast the best. I used to genuinely believe that I was happier when I was in relationships. I used to date people even when they weren’t good for me but I would convince myself it was the best I would ever get because if I wasn’t with them I would be back to being alone. I’m not the only one who thinks this way either. Until we learn to focus on ourselves and things that make us happy, basically once we start to love ourselves and learn our worth, then I don’t believe getting into a relationship is the healthiest idea. No matter how lonely you become. I’m not saying being in a relationship is the worst idea in the world it’s just making sure you’re not doing it purely because you are lonely.
Build better friendships
Secondly, get out and be more social! I realise some of us are just natural home bodies but if you get invited somewhere take the opportunity to focus on your social life rather than your love life. It’ll help lift your mood and it will also help you form stronger friendships. Even if you don’t live near your friends When you have great friendships established you will find yourself wanting to talk to them, focus on how they are doing and you will find them giving you the same attention. Now, no tinder hookup is going to ask you how you are doing after a rough week are they?
Finding a hobby
Next is the best part about over coming loneliness! Find yourself a hobby. This step is especially helpful if you really really hate going out and socialising. Take time to discover what excites you, what you are, not necessarily good at, but what could spend hours upon hours doing. I write, most of what I write is absolute crap, but I could happily spend and entire day writing and not spare a single thought to the fact that I have no friends around me and I am single. If you don’t know what you enjoy then you get to experiment! Learn to knit, go fishing, join a club, the possibilities are endless. If all of these fail to excite you, get up and dance. Make yourself a bomb ass playlist and just have a groove in your room. You may feel like a weirdo to start with but it’ll lift your mood, especially when you think about just how ridiculous you look.
If you have strong friendships, a fun hobby but you still feel like something is missing then join a gym! Focusing on bettering yourself and living a healthier lifestyle will help you learn to love yourself while also giving you a new found confidence. I’m not saying go out and lose weight (I’m a big girl myself and I know confidence isn’t found in your size). But working out helps release stress and any built up anger or sadness. You leave a workout feeling physically drained but mentally relaxed. If you feel too self conscious to go to a gym then start working out at home. Any sort of work out will help give you the same results.
Crazy cat lady
If you have tried all of these steps and you are still thinking about downloading a hookup app, go get yourself about a dozen cats. Not really but if you are in a position to adopt an animal then do it! Animals give the best cuddles, listen to you and give you all the attention you could possibly want. If you aren’t in a position to adopt an animal then you could always volunteer at your local animal shelter. You get to spend time with cuteness and you are doing a good deed. How could you not feel great about that?
They’re so fluffy!
I’m not a life coach, I can’t guarantee these will work for you but I can tell you that these have helped me. I have messaged my exes and felt like an absolute tool for doing so. I’ve messaged boys on tinder who were after a hook up hoping I would be an exception and they would want to date me. I’ve settled for less than I deserve because I thought if someone loved me I could make it work. All that these things did was make me feel more lonely, more miserable and it made me think less and less of myself.
Now I am planning holidays with friends, focusing on getting myself fit and healthy, spending more time doing what I love and I can honestly say I am happy being single. I still feel lonely sometimes but I haven’t drunk dialed an ex in a while so that’s something to feel proud about.